Why authenticity matters more than approval
The Trap of Borrowed Ambitions
So much of life is lived chasing what others expect. Parents, peers, bosses, culture — they all hand us scripts: earn this title, buy that house, look successful. We follow, often without questioning.
And sometimes we achieve those ambitions, only to discover an unsettling truth: we feel hollow. Because borrowed ambitions can’t fill us. They belong to someone else.
The Compass Within
Authenticity begins when we stop outsourcing our compass. It means asking: What do I truly value?
Living by our values is honest. It acknowledges that fulfillment cannot come from applause alone. Applause fades. Alignment lasts.
When our actions reflect our values, even small days feel meaningful. When they don’t, even great achievements feel empty.
The Cost of Pretending
Pretending to live by borrowed values carries a high cost. It eats away at self-respect. It turns us into actors in someone else’s play.
Imagine a lawyer who entered the field because it was prestigious, not because it resonated with him. He may win cases, earn money, gain status — and still feel like an imposter in his own life.
The world may applaud, but the inner voice whispers: This is not who I am.
The Freedom of Alignment
Contrast that with someone who lives authentically. Her choices may seem smaller — a career that pays less, a hobby that others dismiss, a relationship that doesn’t fit cultural molds.
But to her, those choices ring true. They are aligned with her values, not borrowed ones. And because of that, her life carries coherence.
Authenticity doesn’t guarantee ease. But it guarantees integrity.
Standing Before the Mirror
Picture standing before a mirror at day’s end. No one else is there. No applause, no criticism, no audience. Just you.
In that moment, the question isn’t: Did I impress others? It’s: Was I true to myself?
That is the mirror test. And only you can answer it.
Why We Betray Ourselves
If authenticity feels so crucial, why do we betray it so often?
- Fear of rejection. We want belonging, so we conform.
- Desire for security. We equate approval with safety.
- Inertia. We inherit scripts and never pause to question them.
But living by borrowed values is its own kind of insecurity. Because if love and respect come only when we pretend, we know they’re not really ours.
Practices for Living Authentically
- Clarify your values. Write down what matters most to you, not what you think should matter.
- Audit your choices. Ask: does this reflect my values or someone else’s?
- Start small. Live one decision today in alignment with your compass.
- Expect resistance. Authenticity often unsettles others, but it strengthens you.
- Build courage muscles. Each authentic act makes the next easier.
Authenticity is a habit built day by day.
The Role of Mortality
Mortality clarifies values. On our deathbeds, the opinions of strangers will matter little. What will matter is whether we lived our own story.
Death strips away illusions. It leaves one question glowing: Was I true to my deepest self?
The time to answer is now, while we still hold the pen.
The Garden Image
Living by our values is like tending a personal garden. Neighbors may admire different flowers, trends may change, weeds may creep in. But when we cultivate what we love, the garden thrives.
And when we neglect it to plant what others demand, we find ourselves standing in soil that doesn’t feel like home.
Closing Thought
We are not here to perform someone else’s script. We are here to live our own.
So stop chasing borrowed ambitions. Clarify your compass. Tend your garden. Live aligned with what matters most to you.
Because at the end, applause will fade. But the dignity of authenticity will remain.
