Why authenticity sometimes costs us, and why it’s worth paying
The Illusion of Ease
Independence is often celebrated in slogans. We hear lines about “being yourself” as if it were simple, even glamorous. But anyone who has tried knows: true independence has a price.
It can cost us comfort. It can cost us approval. Sometimes, it can even cost us relationships.
That doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it. It means the dignity of authorship comes with real stakes.
The Social Cost
Independence often collides with the expectations of others. Families may disapprove when someone chooses an unusual career. Friends may drift away when values diverge. Communities may raise eyebrows at those who don’t fit the mold.
We crave acceptance, so these costs sting. To say “this is my path” often means hearing someone else say, “that’s not what we wanted for you.”
Yet the deeper cost is the opposite: living someone else’s life to keep their approval. Mortality makes this stark. Which loss hurts more — disapproval in the short term, or regret at the end?
The Comfort Cost
Independence also costs comfort. It’s easier to drift with the current than to swim against it. Easier to let others decide than to face uncertainty yourself.
Standing independently means making decisions without guarantees. It means sometimes being misunderstood. It means losing the cushion of “but everyone else was doing it.”
Comfort is cheap. Independence is costly — but the payoff is pride.
A Family Gathering
Picture someone at a family gathering. Everyone is discussing careers, mortgages, milestones. One person admits they’re taking time to travel, to write, to pursue something unconventional. The room goes quiet. Some frown. Others change the subject.
In that silence lies the price of independence: the willingness to endure discomfort rather than betray yourself.
The Inner Cost
Perhaps the hardest price is doubt. The independent path is rarely smooth. There are nights of questioning, of wondering if you’ve made a mistake, of wishing you could hand the burden back.
But here’s the paradox: even in doubt, independence gives strength. You may waver, but you know the life is yours. And that knowledge steadies you when certainty wavers.
Practices for Bearing the Price
- Expect friction. Don’t be surprised when independence costs. Anticipate it, and you won’t be blindsided.
- Anchor in values. When approval wavers, clarity about your values steadies you.
- Find kindred spirits. Independence doesn’t mean solitude. Seek out others who value authenticity.
- Remember mortality. Life is too short to surrender your only chance at authorship.
These practices don’t erase the price, but they make it bearable.
A Longer Story: Choosing the Harder Road
Imagine someone offered two options. One is conventional: a career that pays well, earns respect, pleases family. The other is riskier: a vocation that matters deeply to you but looks uncertain.
They choose the second. The years that follow are not easy. Money is tight. Approval is scarce. Doubt is frequent. But they build a life true to themselves.
When they look back decades later, what do they feel? Not regret for lost comfort, but gratitude for the pride that came from living authentically.
Mortality’s Reminder
The price of independence is real. But the greater price is dependence: to hand over your one life to others’ expectations.
At the end, we will not wish we had blended in more. We will wish we had been truer. Mortality turns the question. It’s not: is independence worth the price? It’s: can we afford not to pay it?
Closing Thought
Independence will cost you. Approval. Comfort. Certainty.
But it will also give you what nothing else can: the dignity of a life that is yours.
That price, though steep, is a bargain compared to the cost of losing yourself.
